Saturday, May 7, 2011

Blind faith vs. confidence

I feel like my whole life I have been running on blind faith not confidence.  Just jumping in with two feet, holding my nose but when I hit the water, it still goes up my nose and burns fierce.  Is that normal? Normal for me. Like the fast heartbeat even still when I raise my hand to say something small in class.  But I raise my hand. Is it the nerd in me, the need to learn, the seeking always wondering that sucks down the flushed face and lump in my throat and raises my hand anyways? Is my writing good, hell is anything that comes out of my mouth good? I don't know? I want to write that book that makes people laugh and cry, that father's read to their baby girls before bedtime and get tucked in real tight. Before they dream of puppies and boogie men and all that cliche stuff I never dreamed of. I see their little faces as they read those books, joy and excitement that could never come from a videogame and I'm sure they will remember.  Maybe not the book but the feeling the belief that life was simple and good in that moment. That when Repunzel threw down her maid instead of her braid, that was totally hillarious and they'd never heard anything like that, and it was very funny. That's what I want to do.

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